Secrecy is not always bad. Secrecy can be an act of love.
God can withhold something from us, not because he doesn’t want us to enjoy all of him, but because he loves us and does not want to ruin us.
But then, has God not given us all things that pertain to life and godliness?
Yes, he has.
II Peter 1:3:
“He that spared not his Son, shall he not with Christ freely give us all things?”
Yes, he will, and he has.
So, why does he withhold some things from us when he has already given us all things?
The answer is very simple: your belief.
You are as limited as your mind is limited. You are at the mercy of the limitations you have placed on your mind. So, even though you have access to all things, you can, by your own will, hinder yourself from accessing some things.
Now, this means that, in an actual sense, God is not always the one withholding things from you. You can be the one withholding things from yourself. And since God respects your capacity, he can allow certain truths to remain outside your immediate understanding until you have developed the capacity to handle them.
This is how God can withhold certain truths from us until we can handle them. It is not necessarily because the truth is unavailable. Sometimes, it is because we are not yet ready for what that truth demands of us.
There are things you can know that will change the way you live. There are things you can understand that will demand a greater level of responsibility from you. There are things that, if placed in the hands of an immature person, can become destructive.
This is why growth is important.
You don’t just need access to truth. You need the capacity to properly interpret, carry, and apply truth.
Apostle Paul understood something like this when he wrote to the Corinthians:
“I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for hitherto ye were not able to bear it...” (1 Corinthians 3:2)
Notice the language: they were not able to bear it.
The food was not the problem. Their capacity was. There are truths you may hear today and completely misunderstand because your mind does not yet have the framework to carry them properly.
There are freedoms you can exercise today that another person may not yet know how to handle. There are dimensions of knowledge that can liberate one person and confuse another.
This is why growth in the mind is just as important as the acquisition of knowledge.
In Romans 14, Paul addressed the issue of believers who had a problem with eating certain foods and those who ate all kinds of food. He starts that chapter by saying that we should receive those who are weak in faith (Romans 14:1).
Ignorance is a weakness in faith and mind. Fear can be a weakness in faith and mind. But Paul’s instruction was not to talk down on the ignorant or fearful. It was to bear with them.
And this is important.
This is why I personally do not subscribe to forcing people to serve God in a certain way. You cannot coerce believers into fellowship. You can only encourage them and be patient with them. You can tell someone the truth. You can show them a better way. You can teach them. You can expose them to knowledge. But ultimately, growth must happen within them.
Paul said that one person plants, another waters, but God gives the increase (1 Corinthians 3:6).
You must understand that the speed at which your good can be mistaken for bad is faster than the speed of light. You can be their shining star today, encouraging them towards a life of godliness, and tomorrow, you can become the devil who is after their peace. Not because you changed. But because their understanding changed.
The same person who once celebrated your correction can begin to interpret that same correction as control. The same counsel they once received as love can later be perceived as an attack. The same truth that once gave them freedom can, at another stage of their journey, make them uncomfortable.
This is why you must be careful when helping people.
The balance is not to turn a blind eye to people’s ignorance.
The balance is to live patiently but steadily within their realm of understanding, thus helping them see better.
You do not help someone by pretending that their ignorance does not exist.
Neither do you help them by beating them over the head with what they do not yet understand. You help them by patiently walking with them until they can see what you see.
There is a wisdom to teaching people according to their capacity.
Jesus himself did this.
There were many things he wanted to tell his disciples, but they were not yet able to bear them. (John 16:12)
The truth existed. Jesus knew it. But their capacity to receive it had not yet matured. So sometimes, love knows when to speak, what to speak, and when to remain silent.
The one who has not been helped will not know how to help others.
Sometimes, the person you are frustrated with is simply standing at a point in their journey where you once stood. And if someone was patient enough to help you grow, perhaps your responsibility now is to become that same patience for someone else.
Before you label anyone as false or not, remember that it is Christ who died for them, not you. You are not their saviour. You are not their judge. You are not the one who purchased them. Christ did. So, whether they fall or stand, they belong to the Lord. (Romans 14:4)
And perhaps this is one of the greatest lessons in helping people grow.
You can guide people without owning them. You can correct without controlling. You can teach without condemning. You can disagree without destroying. You can see their ignorance without despising them. And you can know more without making them feel less.
Because the goal is not to prove that you know.
The goal is to help them see.
Secrecy, then, is not always bad.
Sometimes, what appears to be withholding is actually preparation. Sometimes, what looks like silence is actually patience.
Sometimes, God is not denying you something. Sometimes, he is developing the capacity in you to receive it without being destroyed by it.
And if you love people, you would also be like God in this regard; knowing when to withhold something from people because you genuinely love them, and not because you want to deceive or manipulate them.
The difference between withholding out of love and withholding out of deception is seen in how you do it.
When you withhold out of love, you are not trying to keep someone in darkness for your own benefit. You are protecting them from what they may not yet have the capacity to handle. You are not withholding because you want to control their choices. You are withholding because you understand that giving someone access to something before they are ready for it can sometimes do more harm than good.
A parent does not give a child everything simply because the child asks for it. Not because the parent hates the child. Not because the parent wants to manipulate the child. But because the parent understands something the child does not yet understand: access without capacity can become destruction.
This is why love must be accompanied by wisdom.
Sometimes, love tells you to speak. Sometimes, love tells you to wait. Sometimes, love tells you to explain. And sometimes, love tells you to remain silent until the person has developed enough understanding to properly receive what you have to say.
But there is a difference between protecting someone from what they are not ready for and keeping someone ignorant so that you can control them.
One seeks their maturity. The other seeks your advantage. One eventually leads them into greater understanding. The other keeps them dependent on your understanding.
One says, “I will help you become capable of carrying this.”
The other says, “I will keep you incapable so that you will always need me.”
That is why the intention behind withholding matters, but so does the manner in which it is done.
If what you withhold is ultimately for the good of the person, and you desire to see them grow into the capacity to receive it, then it will show in how you go about it. Your silence can be an expression of love.
But if you withhold truth because you are afraid of what they might do with it, afraid of losing control over them, or because their ignorance benefits you, then what you call “protection” may actually be manipulation.
Love does not merely ask, “What should I tell this person?”
Love also asks, “What can this person presently carry?”
And sometimes, the most loving thing you can do is not to give someone everything you know at once, but to walk patiently with them until they can handle more. Because the goal of love is not to keep people dependent on you. The goal of love is to help people become mature enough to stand on their own.
One of the greatest expressions of love is not giving someone everything they want immediately, but helping them become the kind of person who can properly carry what they have been given.
A note on withholding.
This should never be used as a justification for manipulation, control, dishonesty, or deliberately keeping people ignorant. There is a difference between withholding something temporarily because someone is not yet ready to carry it and withholding truth because you want to control what they know, how they think, or what they choose. Love does not use another person’s immaturity as an opportunity for domination. If your withholding is primarily benefiting you, keeping someone dependent on you, protecting your position, or preventing them from making an informed choice, then you should be careful about calling it love. God’s withholding is never an excuse for us to become dishonest people. The goal of loving restraint should ultimately be the growth and freedom of the person, not their permanent dependence on us. So, before you say, “I’m withholding this because I love them,” ask yourself honestly: Am I protecting them, or am I protecting my control over them?