The day I stopped waiting to 'feel' God

The Word of God is what it is, irrespective of what we feel or believe

In 2013, I was fortunate to be part of a program that marked the beginning of a life devoted to God. I can still remember how I battled with believing that I was saved after saying every prayer I could think of. We had a mindset that when we got saved, we would feel joy, peace, or an intense burning within us. In my case, I didn’t even feel a pin drop. So, you can imagine what was running through my mind.

I was so surprised to see other people scream, cry, and laugh because of the magnitude of what they felt inside, while I was just there, cold, feeling nothing.

Haa, I thought there would be a joy of salvation. Why is mine different?

Well, somehow, I managed to believe that I had been saved, and I moved on. What could I do?

Then came the time for the baptism of the Holy Spirit. The service was as unique as the previous one. People were screaming, yelling, and speaking in tongues. Me, I had prayed my eyes out, yet no tongues, no fire, no falling down. My heart broke when I saw my sister weeping and speaking in tongues, and I was like:

“God, am I the worst sinner on earth? Please forgive me. Fill me with your Spirit.”

Silence.

That day passed.

No tongues yet.

I read a whole lot of books. My mum even gave me scriptures and old teachings on the baptism of the Holy Spirit.

“This is how I got mine. Read and study them, pray fervently, and seek God,” she would tell me.

I did all of them. I waited and waited, but nothing seemed to happen. No strange tongues were coming forth. So, I just locked up and, of course, moved on.

Fast forward two years, and I was already at the University of Benin, Nigeria. We were in a prayer group, and I saw people everywhere speaking in tongues. I was just there, feeling really bad that I could not speak in tongues. The prayer leader noticed I wasn’t speaking in tongues, and he said:

“You must be baptised in the Holy Ghost. Try to be filled before we meet again next semester.”

So, I was determined to be baptised in the Holy Ghost before we came back the following year.

In my quest for answers, certain things began to dawn on me.

I began to discover that the Word of God is what it is, irrespective of what I feel or believe. It remains true. That is what this article is actually about.

I was in a program one day when I told myself:

“I am already baptised in the Holy Ghost because I have asked, and the Word says when we ask, we receive. Therefore, I have already received. I am not waiting for Him to speak; I will speak as He gives me utterance.”

So, I began to speak whatever came into my mouth at that moment. At first, it felt like I was crazy. My whole being and theology screamed against me. But I ignored it. As I continued, I discovered that it started coming naturally. I no longer struggled.

Today, it is a different story. I have prayed, spoken in tongues, and seen situations change. I have seen the power of God manifest, and my spirit man has been built up.

But how did I overcome the cankerworm of feelings?

The Word.

If you are looking for feelings, you will have to look for a very long time.

You are not who you are because you feel so. You are who you are because God’s Word says so.

Read that again.

So, when someone once threatened to lay a curse on me because he felt he had the spiritual authority to do so, I laughed. If the Word has said I cannot die, then no curse can affect me. I know I have done more harm to darkness than I even realise.

You are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit because you are born of Him.

The flesh does not have dominion over you because you are born of the Spirit. These realities are there for the taking. Don’t let anyone mess around with your mind.

Know the Word, believe it, and stand by it.

Get out of feelings and get into the Word!